Facebook Is Embarrassing

Facebook is a retirement home for lonely boomers who think they're having profound conversations.

I need to address something that's been keeping me up at night. Facebook, and specifically: what the hell is everyone still doing on there?

As someone who gets paid to understand social media (yes, my parents are very proud), I recently escaped Facebook's gravitational pull after realizing I felt genuinely embarrassed posting there in 2025. It's like showing up to a party where everyone's wearing cargo shorts and arguing about lawn care. There are so many better places to find actual like-minded humans now.

So I've been studying the remaining Facebook users. Kinda like Jane Goodall studied chimps, except from a safe distance (and a growing concern for their wellbeing).

Here's what I've observed: The average Facebook user has 1,000+ "friends." This sounds impressive until you realize that Facebook's algorithm has decided that only 5-10 of these people are worthy of your attention. It's like being invited to a party with a thousand people, but being forced to spend the entire evening talking to that guy from high school who sells essential oils.

The algorithm has essentially turned your social network into a very expensive, very complicated way to see the same people you could just text.

But here's where it gets truly mystifying. What are people actually posting? Let me paint you a picture based on my extensive field research: